We have history
Several months ago, we prayed for a miracle.
Hands folded, on our knees, asked our family to join us, prayed and prayed for a miracle. And when it didn’t come, we were devastated.
It felt like the earth had bottomed out and I’d fallen into a pit I didn’t know how to get out of. Those were the days my cheeks were wet with tears more often than they weren’t. Every uplifting and encouraging worship song I’d listened to as we prayed suddenly felt like needles against my skin.
The night we found Psalm 77, there was a discernible shift in my spirit.
We read, through fresh waves of tears, the words:
“I found myself in trouble and went looking for my Lord; my life was an open wound that wouldn’t heal. When friends said, ‘Everything will turn out all right,’ I didn’t believe a word they said. I remember God - and shake my head. I bow my head - then wring my hands. I’m awake all night - not a wink of sleep; I can’t even say what’s bothering me.” (Psalm 77:2-6 MSG)
I couldn’t believe there was solace for the depths of grief my heart held in between the pages of scripture.
Our prayers that night were different than the faith-filled ones we’d lifted before. We had so little to offer and we were hurting so deeply, but we opened our hands and our mouths and gave everything we did have. We repented for how we may have sinned in our hurt and we asked, begged, Jesus to come and refresh our souls.
I was curled up in the corner of our couch weeks later, my husband reading his Bible beside me, when it dawned on me.
“Do you think we maybe still got a miracle when we prayed for one?”
My husband glanced at me, confusion clouding his face. The unprocessed revelation tumbled out of me, but the more I spoke, the more it made sense.
We’d found our way, by the grace of God, up out of the pit. The earth felt steady beneath our feet again. Our days were marked by joy, even though our circumstances had yet to change.
“Maybe the greatest miracle we’ve born witness to is the way the seed of joy stays rooted in us when the winds blow harder than we’ve ever seen. Sometimes I take it for granted, but it feels like a true wonder that we keep finding our way forward with hope in Christ when it’s so tempting not to.”
We sit in silence for a little while after that and I glance out our sliding glass doors. I almost expect to literally see a haphazard pile of stones in the middle of the grass. With tears of gratitude filling my eyes, I imagine adding another to the top of the stack.
Have you ever searched for a piece of furniture on a website that uses AI to show you what it would look like in your space before you buy it?
The marker stones of God’s faithfulness feel a lot like that to me. At any given moment, in any given place, I can recall the moments He’s shown up and pull them to the front of my vision. Like a virtual armchair, they settle before me, refusing the budge until I relax into the reality that He’s been working all along. A gentle refrain plays in the corners of my mind:
I’m not afraid to say I don’t know
What I should do or how this will unfold
So many mysteries,
But we have history
So I remind my soul
Nobody else can love me like you
You’re the only one that can do
What no other god can
You are Holy Only
You’d be hard pressed to convince me that gratitude and joy aren’t a way of life more than they are emotions we feel.
We all make choices every single day. We choose to draw near and we choose to create distance. We choose to walk in joy and hold on to the hope of Jesus Christ. Some days, the choices come far easier than others. Some days, the best choice is to allow grief room to breathe. But every choice can either lead us closer to the Father, or farther away.
Maybe your soul needs reminded today: He is Holy. There is no one who will love you like He does. Your heart matters to Him. He is faithful and sovereign and He is near when your heart is broken.
Do you have history with God? Let the markers of His work in your life come back to you now.
And if nothing comes to mind, maybe today is the first day of the rest of your life.
Maybe today begins your history with Him.
I can guarantee you, there is no more worthwhile way to journey through this life than hand in hand with Him.